Despite an impressive second half, the Gargoyles failed to get the better of a Kilburn outfit who caught Hackney still sleeping in the first period by arranging an early kick off, this haphazard preparation perhaps cost the visitors with the meet time treated with a pinch of salt by many.

Inspired by my own outstanding stat line for the day - 2 minutes played, 1 pass, 2 burgers consumed post match. This week's match report takes the form of a notable ShaunStat for each player, these stats are both entirely accurate and completely made up making them quite paradoxical.

1) Callum Johnson - Lineout steals = 1, decent from a prop

2) Callum Cleaver - Win percentage as captain = 0% (1 game). Makes him a good candidate for the Hackney RFC captain's hall of fame alongside Ben Chamberlain = 0% (5 games) and Shaun Rooke = 5% in gargoyles 2015/16 season (other captains that season=100%).

3) Matthieu Arneguy - Carries = 3. Pretty confident that's a career high, checking the historical records now, but it will take some time to go back to the 2008/9 season.

4) Will Kay - meters made from pick and go's=278m, making him a will deserved MOTM

5) Nick Watmore - Opposition Achilles snapped =1

6) James Simpson - first game in the back row, minutes until before he was knackered (self confessed) = 4 minutes

7) Arran Ferguson - meters covered = 8,196m (approx.)

8) Matthew Rooke - previous games at number 8 = 0, previous games in the forwards before joining Hackney =0

9) Theo Tan - Forwards pancaked = 4, not sure how it's possible, not normal for a scrum half

10) Ryan Mortimer - goal kicking =67%. Decent effort in tricky conditions, as shown when his opposite number had one kick at goal which looked like it was going into touch before it was caught.

11) Ryan Hart - touches = 1. Not a day for spreading the ball to the wings

12) Josh Joseph - most tackles broken for Hackney, guess about 8

13) George Bevan - weeks since his last Hackney appearance = 39, looked like he's never been away

14) Laurie Benson - Impressive judo style tackles against much bigger players = 2

15) Ben Goacher - Attempted offloads = 3, the pitch was quite muddy so good decision to avoid going to ground too much

16) Ricky Duberry - Penalties = 0. The most remarkable stat of them all

17) Nic Jaques - minutes between meet time and actual arrival = 105 mins. Made up for it in the 2nd half