In keeping with a trend that, well, your correspondent started, this match report will focus on the one moment in the game that went well for the Gogs. Three tries down and at risk of a rout - if gaps in defence and gaping mouths were not shut - the Gogs got the try of the game. 

It began, as few enough good things do, with a scrum. The Gogs’ scrum was competitive throughout the game, losing one or two against the head, but also shunting the opposition back a few times too. This was one of the better times. A Gogs’ put-in, a strong forward drive, and the ball was soon at the feet of our new antipodean hipster.

By the time your correspondent had lifted his head from between the buttocks of the voracious front-row, the ball was flying across the back line with a fluidity that was lacking for pretty much the entire rest of the match. 

It found the hands of the winger-cum-flanker-cum-winger, Bionic Chung, who skinned the opposition defence only to be hauled down inches short (i.e. he was inches from the line when hauled down, not that he is inches short, although he is).

Fielden went at the ruck like a pig in search of truffles and the ball was soon in the safe custody of Tranquility Hanton, who straightened, drew a defender or two, and offloaded to your prolixious correspondent. A leg drive sucked in one or two more defenders and some scrabbling on the muck saw the ball back on the right side. 

There followed another carry, again just short, from a Gog whose glory was redoubtable, but also must remain anonymous, as your correspondent was still brushing Spring Hill soil from his eyes. Seen by all, however, was Nick’s bulldozing charge over the last of the defence, to score the best, and the Gogs' only, try*- on a day when sport, really, was the only thing that suffered defeat. 

*ultimately awarded to occasional Gogs' scorer P. Try for reasons of confidentiality

Player Ratings

1. Daddy Sankar - the man, the myth, the lifter - a strong shift helped secure the best scrum performance of the season for this side. (7/10)

2. Dazza Griffin - the second most megalomaniacal Griffin in your correspondent’s life was effective when he stayed where he belonged. (7/10)

3. Dave Bates - another decent trundle from a man whose usefulness gives the lie to his claim to be arthritis-ridden. (7/10)

4. Franck Cohadon - a first of the season in Gog’s colours for Eric - did well to boss the pack when he had to. (8/10)

5. Cian Murphy - a crucial role in the glorious try made his time away from family duties worthwhile. (11/10)

6. Spencer Elliot - another decent trundle from the former Bull. Took some big hits without complaint. (8/10)

7. Ben Graham - he darts here, he darts there, he even got pinged for a high tackle. A perennial pest for the opposition. (8/10)

8. Tom Gluckstein - a strong showing until he tackled your correspondent’s ample thigh with his face. (8/10)

9. Matt Fielden - made an impact right from the first whistle - rivals the captain for composure at times. (7/10)

10. Matt Hanton - a real midfield operator this season - some glorious touchfinders - may be time for a prescription of beta blockers. (7/10)

11. Luke Leyland - didn’t see much work - hopefully not because of ongoing head trauma. (7/10)

12. Kieran Murray - stepped in at 9 when needed, not much chance for any other steps. (7/10)

13. Thomas Ow-a-in-Davies - this loyal chap did his foot in, instead of putting his foot in it, for once. Was missed. (5/10)

14. John Chung - made the only try by showing the rest of the Gogs how to run straight. (8/10)

15. Cranium Reay - easily the seventh best Gog. (7/10)

16. Nick the enigmatic Georgian - came, scrummed, trundled, scored, disappeared again to his part of East London with no phone or internet coverage. (8/10)

17. Will Marsters - knows how to fend for himself and does. (8/10)

18. Sam Dunford-Baker - another recent addition - already looks like a born Gog. (7/10)

19. Dexter Gibbs - seems to be everywhere on the pitch - and often is - in part because he’s sometimes Finn in disguise. (7/10)

20. Finn Apps - seems to be everywhere on the pitch - and often is - in part because he’s sometimes Dexter in disguise. (7/10)

21. Shu Shome - ran well when given the chance, growing as a tackler. (7/10)

22. Matt Rooke - a late callup to the bench and yet again promised 20 minutes but played much more. Filled in out of position with his usual solidity. (7/10)

23. Rich Shorey - not actually present but nevertheless loses points for failing to score this week. (-5/10)